5 tips for Thanksgiving that you SHOULD actually listen to
Don’t worry. I’ll save you the fitness coach lecture today. You know the, “just take a little bit of each dish,” and “treat it just like any other meal” blah blah blah, that you wouldn’t listen to anyway.
Instead here are 5 Motivated by Brett tips for Thanksgiving, that you SHOULD actually listen to:
1) CHOOSE YOUR CONVERSATIONS WISELY
Don’t get me wrong, we all love grandma, but if you find yourself trapped in a holiday 1 on 1 with Agnes, not only will you have to talk extra loud the whole time, but also prepare to explain why you STILL are not married, and STILL have not given her any grandkids like your sister has. I know you want more grandkids before you die grams, but it’s a jungle out there and Tinder is tough. Instead, find any UNCLE. They are usually good for at least one solid business tip or some real world advice, but mostly just want to talk football and tell dirty jokes the whole time with someone younger. Conversation Jackpot!👂💰
2) SIT AT THE KIDS TABLE
Perhaps you are like me, and your family has inducted you into the kids table Hall of Fame due to consecutive years served. Some people might complain. Not me, sign me up! The kids table is way more fun anyway. Not only do kids tell better stories, (that you HAVEN’T already heard every thanksgiving for the last 10 years), but also, kids never finish their food. This way you can strategically fork away at their untouched mashed potatoes without looking like you are going back for plate number 4. 🍗
3) BEAT THE RUSH TO THE COUCH
Take advantage of the best day of the year to nap. After dinner, volunteer to take some dishes to the kitchen like the polite guest you are. Then pull a Houdini, and disappear to the TV room so that you get first dibs on the #1 napping couch. Most likely you will be tired from all the tryptophan in the turkey and definitely NOT because of the 2 bottles of vino or 6-pack of brew-cakes you slammed before dinner. Bonus points if you can nap through the entire Cowboys game, which we can all assume they will blow it in the 4th. 🍷 🍺
4) NEVER CUT YOUR OWN PIECE
ALWAYS have the aunt or grandma that’s hosting cut your piece of pie for you. I can’t stress this enough. Why, because you know even when you specifically ask for “just a little sliver please,” she most certainly will give you a gigantic size piece anyway because she doesn’t want leftovers at her house! Overachievers here would also slip into the conversation how late you have been working recently and how grateful you are to be enjoying a home-cooked meal. Congratulations my friend! You just earned a one way ticket to Tupperware-City, where leftovers are the mayor! 🥧
5) YOU DON’T LEAVE, UNTIL YOU LEAVE
The phrase, “hey we are leaving,” means absolutely nothing at holidays. First you exchange the “putting on the coat” goodbyes. Then comes the “crowding around the door” goodbyes. Then comes the “why are we all standing with the front door wide open,” goodbyes. Hold your ground! Don’t get pulled away from the TV until you see all the women in your family with coats on, and you’ve been told “we are REALLY leaving now,” at least a solid 3 times. If you have Italians in your family easily add +2 to that number. 🤝🚪🕥
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
“There is always something to be thankful for.”